An unusual conversation with Steve today.
Steve: Missy
Me: Yes?
Steve: I have a hole in my ass, you wanna see it?
Me: Really?
Monday, February 11, 2013
Friday, September 7, 2012
Gestational Diabetes -SERIOUSLY?
I have the perfect genes. I can sit on my ass and eat whatever I want, and never get heart disease or high blood pressure, let alone diabetes. Just not in my cards. NOPE.
WRONG.
Turns out that sitting on my ass and eating a cup full of Swedish Fish every night got me into this mess.
Missy you have to test yourself four times a day for five days and call us back with your results. OH FUCK. Really?
The first thing I said to my poor significant other was that this was just a prediction of what's to come. I'm going to live a life of venous ulcers, high blood pressure and renal failure. I won't see our daughter graduate because I'll be blind by then. Wah, Wah, Wah. Suck it up buttercup.
Bye-bye vagina. I'll rip to sheds giving birth to a 12 pound baby.
I should of known this was coming when I brought my lab-slip to the lab, and my diagnosis was, "Elderly Gravida." Yup, I'm too old to be having babies.
See ya later cookies, cakes and gummy bears. Hello injections of insulin and glucose tabs.
Fair-well to my great job. Hello I-Hop. That's where I'll have to work after I get my foot amputated.
I know I'm being dramatic, and this is short term, but these things are actually going through my head right now.
WRONG.
Turns out that sitting on my ass and eating a cup full of Swedish Fish every night got me into this mess.
Missy you have to test yourself four times a day for five days and call us back with your results. OH FUCK. Really?
The first thing I said to my poor significant other was that this was just a prediction of what's to come. I'm going to live a life of venous ulcers, high blood pressure and renal failure. I won't see our daughter graduate because I'll be blind by then. Wah, Wah, Wah. Suck it up buttercup.
Bye-bye vagina. I'll rip to sheds giving birth to a 12 pound baby.
I should of known this was coming when I brought my lab-slip to the lab, and my diagnosis was, "Elderly Gravida." Yup, I'm too old to be having babies.
See ya later cookies, cakes and gummy bears. Hello injections of insulin and glucose tabs.
Fair-well to my great job. Hello I-Hop. That's where I'll have to work after I get my foot amputated.
I know I'm being dramatic, and this is short term, but these things are actually going through my head right now.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Meet the Fockers - and their little dog too.
So, in-laws. We. Must. All. Deal. (Respectively -if you want to stay married.)
What happens when they bring their 'mentally challanged' yorkie, that is in chronic state of panic? Definately, in no particular order; yelling, barking, urine, and diarrhea.
His name is Thomas, but he gets called anything booger to Tarzan. I personally call him 'rat bastard'.
I just want to say FUCK. I just want to say that I have rat poison under the cupboard. I just want to say, leave him the fuck home. But, what I really end up saying is 'come to mama'! What I'm thinking is I'll get you my pretty.
What happens when they bring their 'mentally challanged' yorkie, that is in chronic state of panic? Definately, in no particular order; yelling, barking, urine, and diarrhea.
His name is Thomas, but he gets called anything booger to Tarzan. I personally call him 'rat bastard'.
I just want to say FUCK. I just want to say that I have rat poison under the cupboard. I just want to say, leave him the fuck home. But, what I really end up saying is 'come to mama'! What I'm thinking is I'll get you my pretty.
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| Tarzan |
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